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light brown hair. He knew exactly what this was about. I m sorry.
Yeah, whatever, LT, I said, turning away from him. I sat up and put my feet on the floor, but I
didn t pull my wrist away. I couldn t, could I? Turning my back was the only way I could get any distance
between us at all, but it wasn t enough.
I d started calling him LT because I couldn t bring myself to call him sir. It s hard to call a guy sir
when every night you see him in your dreams, on his fucking knees like that. When every night you are him
in your dreams. I knew exactly how his mouth watered when he tasted cock. I knew exactly how he
moaned Chris, Chris, Chris, when he wanted to make that other guy come.
Hawk pilots are all faggots, Hooper used to say. Turns out he was right in Rushton s case.
I looked out the window at the black and tried not to remember the taste of cum. Because it hadn t
really happened. Look, how long is it going to take until you don t need me, LT?
I don t know. His voice was low. The more contact we have, the stronger I get. Maybe we can
speed it up.
I tensed. It was hard not to jump to conclusions when I d been inside his dreams. And they were
vivid dreams. Jesus, even the rasp of my zipper when I took a piss meant something different to me now:
it caused a frisson of excitement I couldn t ignore. Eyes closed, waiting for Chris to walk up behind me.
Waiting to feel his warm hands slide around my hips. Waiting for him to pull me back and& And who the
hell was Chris anyway? I didn t even know the guy, so I sure as shit didn t deserve to be haunted by him.
How do you mean? I asked, trying to keep my voice level.
Lie down, he said.
Aw, Jesus. This could not be a good idea. I d spent most of the night dreaming of some guy I d never
even met, dreaming of sucking him off and then riding him, and now Rushton wanted me to lie down? My
heart raced, and so did his probably, and that was the worst. Not because I was nervous, but because he
knew I was. There were no fucking secrets between us. That was what decided me in the end. If I refused,
he d know it was because I was embarrassed. So I didn t refuse.
He was lying on his side, facing away from me, and he drew my arm over him.
I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes.
I was spooning a superior officer. Never thought that would happen. I snorted with amusement.
It s not exactly how I imagined the service either, Garrett, he murmured, and I could hear the smile
in his voice.
It creeps me out when you do that, LT, I told the back of his head. His hair smelled nice. Shit, what
if he d heard me think that?
Sorry, he said.
We lay like that for a while.
Do you feel stronger? I asked.
He shifted, and I realized he was pulling off his T-shirt. He shrugged it off, and my gaze fell onto his
shoulders and the line of his spine and the way it twisted when he pulled his shirt over his head. I could
see the play of his muscles under his skin. And that skin, slightly golden so different from mine, so
different from anyone s on Defender Three.
Two, he said.
Two what? I asked.
There were two suns. He settled back onto the mattress, settled back toward me. A twin solar
system. Take off your shirt, Garrett.
I sighed and obeyed. Hell, it might work, right? Skin-on-skin contact, and it didn t have to mean
anything. It just would have been a hell of a lot easier to do if I didn t know what he dreamed about. What
we both did.
I dropped my shirt on the floor and put my arm back over him. My forearm grazed against his hip,
and then I shifted closer. My chest met his back, and we both gasped as we felt it: the tickle of electricity
where we touched.
Fuck, he murmured. That s it.
I felt dizzy and blinked it away. Yeah.
Tell me about Lucy, he said.
A slow smile spread across my face. His weren t the only dreams we shared, apparently.
My baby Lucy, I said. I was tired. I thought I could hear the air crackling around us. I miss my
Lucy.
I thought of the sound of her laugh and how she squealed when I tickled her. I remembered the
mornings when I was getting our breakfast ready and how Lucy would sleep in her cot until I had to wake
her. I d brush my hand against her downy hair and watch as her eyes flickered open, and she would smile
and reach her fat little starfish hands up toward me.
She s seven now, I said. Could he see her face as clearly as I could? Could he feel how much I
loved her? After Linda left, I was stuck with Lucy. Twelve years old, I d quit school to look after her. I
wore her in a sling. Her heartbeat against mine all day; when I put her in her cot at night, I d feel like a
part of me was missing.
God. Would I feel like that when Rushton didn t need me anymore?
He linked his fingers in mine and sighed.
I thought of Lucy, my heartbeat. Missed her. Missed Dad.
You got family, LT? I murmured.
Yeah.
How come I don t know that?
I keep it on lockdown.
You can do that? I d never been good at hiding my thoughts, and that was before some guy was
living in my head. Every insubordinate thought I d ever had got written plain across my face, which is
why I was usually in the shit for something. I don t know how to do that.
I don t want you to, Rushton whispered.
He nestled closer. His hair tickled my lips. His flesh was so warm where we touched. He shifted his
hips, and then his ass was pressed against me. My cock hardened in my pants, but I was too tired to pull
away.
Feels good, he murmured, and thought: Chris.
I sighed, and I wasn t sure why. It was natural he d think of his& his boyfriend? lover? of Chris
when he was lying in someone s embrace. It was totally natural. So what was the strange sting I felt?
Jealousy? How could it be? It had to be the chemical process that connected us, and nothing else. I wasn t
gay, and I didn t even know Cameron Rushton.
It s Cam, he murmured.
What? I breathed in the scent of his hair.
Cam, he said. I always hated Cameron.
Oh, I managed, closing my eyes. Okay. Cam.
* * * *
Most terrifying dream ever.
Cam-ren. Cam-ren. Cam-ren. It was like a sibilant hiss. The sound of it made my chest tighten
and my throat constrict. My breath came in shallow gasps. Every nerve in my body was on edge. It was
close. It was so close.
Cam-ren. I could feel breath on my skin, leaving a trail of gooseflesh.
Oh God.
I couldn t see. Why couldn t I see?
Oh fuck. Something scraped up my bare ribs, exerting just enough pressure to sting. Something sharp
and thin and pointed. A claw? Jesus, was it a claw? I twisted my head from side to side, but I couldn t
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| Cytat |
Dobre pomysły nie mają przeszłości, mają tylko przyszłość. Robert Mallet
De minimis - o najmniejszych rzeczach.
Dobroć jest ważniejsza niż mądrość, a uznanie tej prawdy to pierwszy krok do mądrości. Theodore Isaac Rubin
Dobro to tylko to, co szlachetne, zło to tylko to, co haniebne.
Dla człowieka nie tylko świat otaczający jest zagadką; jest on nią sam dla siebie. I z obu tajemnic bardziej dręczącą wydaje się ta druga. Antoni Kępiński (1918-1972)
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