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You can turn around now. Finished already? I sat up and regarded the stick in her hand. Yeah. What s next? I don t know. I d say put the cap back on and then put it on the table. For how long? A few minutes, I guess. I thought back to all the TV advertisements I had ever seen and not paid attention to when I should have. The knowledge would have come in handy. Sylvie turned on the water faucet and washed her hands. I stroked her back. You ll be okay. Even if you re pregnant, it s not the end of the world. I know, she whispered, staring at herself in the mirror. But I m not ready to be a mom. I don t want to be a single mother raising a kid. We stood in silence as the seconds ticked by. I can t look. Can you look for me? Sylvie said eventually. Sure. I lifted the pregnancy test and held it up to examine the pink colored band in the small window. Sylvie peered over my shoulders. Am I pregnant? I don t know. I think two bands stand for a positive result, so I d say no. She let out a whoop of joy, her smile dying on her lips almost instantly. What do you mean I think? I shrugged. It s not like I m an expert or anything. Why can t they just mark it P for positive and a smiley for not pregnant? I laughed at her attempt at infusing humor. You should give it another go in case you didn t hold it under the stream long enough. Oh right. I thought dipping it in there was enough. She smirked and grabbed another test. I turned away to give her privacy. Hey, Brooke. On the off chance I m not reading this right, can you try the third one? Comparing my result with yours would make me feel better. I don t want to think I m not pregnant and then find out I am when it s too late. Sure. Just give me a minute. I took the stick from Sylvie s outstretched hand and waited until she walked out of the bathroom leaving the door ajar. Using a pregnancy test when I wasn t pregnant was definitely strange but I had done stranger things to help Sylvie out. A minute later I was done and called Sylvie back in. She held out her hand. I handed the pregnancy test to her and she placed it on the marble counter. With your result we can t be wrong, she said. Yeah. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and tapped my fingers against my thigh, waiting. Brooke, Sylvie whispered. Sensing the sudden tension in her voice, I turned and followed her line of vision, my heart slumping in my chest. Didn t you say two bands means pregnant? Yours is showing two. I snatched the test from her hand and stared at it, my mind unable to comprehend the meaning of it all. There were two lines, which had to be a mistake. Oh shit. Sylvie laughed. You are pregnant. I can t be. My voice failed me as I tried to make sense of the situation. Did you switch the sticks? If you did, it s not funny. It s not a prank. I d never do that. Which was true. She didn t like jokes, or playing games. I frowned. Honestly, it must be a mistake. I m on the pill. My period is due any minute. Maybe I got it all wrong and one band means pregnancy and two means nothing. It could be an Italian thing or the brand differs from those advertised back home. I felt myself panicking but couldn t stop it. Take a deep breath, Stewart. You re kidding, right? Sylvie said. The instructions are in Italian, but in the end all pregnancy tests are the same and they work the same way. Denial is bliss. I shook my head. No, you re the one feeling sick and I m okay. Besides, my period I broke off, unable to process the shock. My period was never really on time. It changed like the weather. So that argument wasn t valid. It can t be, Sylvie, I murmured. I never forget to take the pill. Every single day, at the same time. It must be false positive. Nothing s a hundred percent safe, and particularly not if you re sick or there s something wrong with your hormones. She squeezed my arm gently. Like you said, it s not the end of the world. I only tried to be supportive when I said that. I thought back to my first trip to Bellagio. Jett and I were staying at his house. During one dinner, I got intoxicated and sick. It wasn t my proudest moment, which is why I must have repressed it and never told Sylvie about it. Maybe the few glasses of wine messed with my hormones. It s a false positive, I whispered. It has to be because we re only dating for a few weeks and it doesn t happen that fast. Sylvie threw the pregnancy tests in the garbage bin and grabbed my arm, forcing me to follow her to the library. What are you doing? I asked as she sat down in front of the computer. Googling pregnancy tests. The guys will be back any minute. Let s hope this old thing s fast. She heaved a long sigh as we waited for the computer to boot. It whirred idly, like it had all the time in the world. Waiting wasn t good. It made me anxious. I could feel dark clouds descending upon my head. That s it, Sylvie said, turning on the browser and navigating to a search engine. Her longer fingers moved over the keyboard effortlessly and then, with one click, I had my answer. Two bands& positive. You re pregnant. Congratulations! Sylvie said, grinning. It s not me; it s you. I glared at her, ignoring the sudden urge to pour a glass of water over her head. I felt so faint my legs threatened to buckle beneath me. Brooke? Oh, shit, Sylvie said. Come on. Sit down. Don t be upset. You know I didn t mean it like that. Impossible. The test Sitting in her chair, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. is wrong. I don t feel pregnant. Lying to myself gave me a false sense of relief so I kept going because it was easier than facing the truth. We ll repeat the test, maybe even go to the doctor s to check your blood results. Which meant waiting at least a day or as long as it d take to get an appointment. I couldn t wait. Sylvie grabbed me in a tight hug and I rested my head against her chest, letting her stroke my hair, her soothing voice barely reaching me. Don t worry, Brooke, it ll be okay. She kept repeating those stupid words I said. It s not the end of the world. It is the end of the world. Definitely. No. I shook my head. I m doomed. I wanted to be a mom one day; just not at this point. The thought of telling Jett filled me with dread. A pregnancy so early, when we barely knew each other, could ruin my relationship. He d run, like most men do. He d run as fast as he could, and that would hurt me more than anything in the world. I didn t want to lose him because of a mistake. A stupid mistake occurring under the influence of alcohol. You ll have to tell him, Sylvie said, deleting the browser history and switching off the
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Cytat |
Dobre pomysły nie mają przeszłości, mają tylko przyszłość. Robert Mallet De minimis - o najmniejszych rzeczach. Dobroć jest ważniejsza niż mądrość, a uznanie tej prawdy to pierwszy krok do mądrości. Theodore Isaac Rubin Dobro to tylko to, co szlachetne, zło to tylko to, co haniebne. Dla człowieka nie tylko świat otaczający jest zagadką; jest on nią sam dla siebie. I z obu tajemnic bardziej dręczącą wydaje się ta druga. Antoni Kępiński (1918-1972)
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