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experienced player should be allowed more time for moves, or be
allowed to take back a move that he quickly sees was a poor choice.
Adults use variations on these themes all the time: They bring
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HOW TO NEGOTIATE Like a Child
64
in an outside expert to coach them through the unfamiliar part of
a specialized business deal. They negotiate for extra time to investi-
gate an unfamiliar situation. They write an escape clause into a
contract that gives them an out if a decision turns out to have
terrible consequences for their business. Along the way they learn
how the other game is played. That is to say, the Sorry player,
after getting plenty of expert advice and experience with chess, can
actually end up being the chess whiz himself and in that case, he
may actually suggest a game of chess the next time he s the one who
gets to choose which game is being played.
Learning to play new games gives people new skills and can
bring other changes, too. Parents of schoolchildren see this happen
all the time. At parent-teacher conferences, parents hear that their
little Julie is smart, well behaved, and never lashes out at other
children. Are you talking about my child? is the sometimes quiz-
zical reply. Parents regularly get reports about children who are
supposed to be their offspring, but from the description appear to
be somebody else s children. How is that possible? How can a kid
behave one way at home often sarcastic, for instance and an-
other way at school? The answer is sometimes found in the behavior
needed to succeed in team games at school. The kid who may be
mouthy at home with his parents may be the same kid who,
having found a sport that he s good at, is a disciplined, dedicated,
and well-integrated part of the team. The coach tells the parents
their kid is a model of cooperation and sportsmanship. Being good
at something and being looked up to by others for being a leader at
a game gives children confidence and often brings out the best in
them.
The reason some people succeed in their chosen field, when
they re not generally perceived as role models in other aspects of
their lives, is that those people have become comfortable and expe-
rienced at playing a game (or rather, doing business) their way, and
they ve succeeded in getting others to play on their terms as well.
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Be Direct About Your Needs
Ice cream. That stuffed bear. That Barbie. To be picked up. To be
put down. Not to take a nap. A fairy tale before bedtime. When a
child knows what she wants, she s relentless about getting it. If
you re a parent and you don t pay attention to what your child
really wants, you re going to lose the negotiation every time.
Most of the time children are completely transparent about
what they want. When a child clings to a stuffed bear in a store like
a mountain climber holding on to a cliff overhang, you know what
she wants. She s not secretly telegraphing you a message that she
really wants the stuffed alligator in the other aisle.
From the child s perspective, the negotiation is straightforward
and simple. No trickery, deception, fraud, or ruses: I want this
stuffed bear.
Look at the way adults behave, in contrast. Let s say your wife
suggests going out to Beppo s Italian Garden for dinner. You object,
saying, I don t like the service there. But the real reason you don t
want to go to Beppo s is that you have zero willpower and will be
compelled to order the cannoli for dessert, with the certainty of
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adding an extra inch to your waist. And with that high school re-
union coming up in two weeks . . . well, let s just say that you ve
always wanted to impress a certain someone you knew in high
school fifteen years ago.
It s so complicated: All you want to do is avoid several hundred
extra calories. But you don t say that. What happens next? You play
a few rounds of a game, a cross between Twenty Questions and The
Weakest Link, as your wife probes the depth of your deception,
quizzing you on exactly what s wrong with the service at Beppo s
Italian Garden. How much simpler and more effective for
you it would have been to make your mission (reasonably) trans-
parent: I can t resist their cannoli and I want to keep the weight
off would probably have won the negotiation for you.
Let s get back to the way children negotiate. A child who wants
to be carried because it s a sweltering August day and there s a steep
hill ahead will almost certainly achieve that goal for a number of
reasons (kids can, and do, combine negotiating strategies). Because
you know that s all you have to concede, in your mind, it s an easy
mission accomplished just carry Jennifer until you re drenched
with sweat and wheezing like you re in the middle of a pollen cloud
and the deal s done. Uncomplicated and clear-cut. Sure, it s a lot of
work and Jennifer really is old enough to walk, but she made the
negotiating process easy for you by making your part understand-
able and easy to implement.
Clarity is an important aspect of negotiations. When the other
side needs to see your cards to understand the strength of your
position, you lay the cards out on the table. Hugging them close to
your chest gets you nowhere.
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Take Your Ball and Go Home
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zanotowane.pldoc.pisz.plpdf.pisz.plkwiatpolny.htw.pl
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| Cytat |
Dobre pomysły nie mają przeszłości, mają tylko przyszłość. Robert Mallet
De minimis - o najmniejszych rzeczach.
Dobroć jest ważniejsza niż mądrość, a uznanie tej prawdy to pierwszy krok do mądrości. Theodore Isaac Rubin
Dobro to tylko to, co szlachetne, zło to tylko to, co haniebne.
Dla człowieka nie tylko świat otaczający jest zagadką; jest on nią sam dla siebie. I z obu tajemnic bardziej dręczącą wydaje się ta druga. Antoni Kępiński (1918-1972)
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